"How in the Hell Do I Make a Baseball?"

Is what I asked myself, dreading this assignment and knowing pretty damn well that this would be the hard post of the unit. You see, I chose my artist as the baseball genius, Al Spalding. You've probably heard of him, he wrote the first rules of baseball and manufactured balls for the MLB for 100 years or so. No big deal. BASEically (ha. get ready for the baseball puns, they're a-comin. They'll be in all caps.) I knew that I either had to make a baseball or organize a baseball game, following the rules that Al wrote so many years ago. You could guess the first thing I looked at.

"Of course it takes a week to make a baseball. Can't I just throw some leather on yarn and call it good?" I asked myself, already knowing the answer. I couldn't do Al in like that. His tribute deserves much more than a shitty baseball made by a frustrated college student. I knew what I had to do. I had to play a baseball game, just as he would of wanted. But how? Haven't the rules changed for a reason? Well, BATually no. Turns out, he didn't actually write the rules of baseball. he just published and made a fortune off of them. So I decided to tackle the assignment in a different way. Instead of recreating a baseball game, I could just recreate the business behind it.

Spalding was an entrepreneur. One of those guys who didn't take no for an answer, and excelled at the things he knew was possible. Turns out, I did something alot like what he did in my senior year of high school, except I didn't necessarily do the best I could do. It was more of a project than anything. If I had actually expected to make money off if it, then I would have tried. Also my partner was a douche. Like still, to this day, HATE that kid. Nevertheless, I started with the same principle that Spalding did: Improve the niche you excel in most. Well me being one of the best baseball players in the current vicinity of where I am right now (Anschutz library at an empty table), baseball was the obvious choice to go ball out. Show off my skills at the next level. I decided to rewrite the rules of baseball.

We can't all throw 95 mile per hour fastballs, and hit 400 foot homeruns. So I scaled it down. Make it a little easier for the little guy. Now instead of there being 3 outfielders, theres 2. I got rid of the shortstop. and instead of the pitcher throwing overhand, for each batter he has to spin around with his head on a bat, chug half of a beer, and throw as crazy as possible. There are no innings, the game just ends as soon as the pitcher can't stand anymore. There are still 3 outs, but no foul balls and we added a 4th base before home, called the "Beer Stand". Same concept as the pitcher. Gotta chug a beer before you reach home. Hitting the ball is a challenge, as you aren't allowed to use anything even remotely baseball or softball related. Leg of a chair. broomstick. What our grandfathers used when they got done plowing the fields and breathing in wheat grain and freedom. By the end of the game, everyone should be good and trashed. And no one remembers the score. Really quite a pointless game, but it'll be a HIT with the fraternities and daycare dads who don't have to pick up their kids from school that day.

I'm gonna make a fortune. Thanks, America. I'll leave you with this drunk guy falling into the fountains at Kauffman Stadium.  #SweepTheAstros